hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
