Pants 0. Shit 1.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
