He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
