this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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