Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
