My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
