Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
