What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
