my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
