im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
this boner is exhausting
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Holy sore nipples Batman
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
