I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
