How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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