Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
