dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
