Screwed.edu
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
