How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
