Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
