haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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