my mouth tastes like poor choices
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
