i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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