just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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