I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
