Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
