That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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