we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
