Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
