Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
