Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm bleeding and have questions
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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