he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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