I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
