I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
