So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
