areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
