On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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