You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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