i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
now i know why i became what i already was.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Randomize
