Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
