We named our party play list daddy issues
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
