I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
