At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
where are you?
Hypothermia
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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