Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My bed is full of blood and feathers
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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