Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
