pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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