I love having hate sex.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
