I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
