I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I am mentally ready for anal.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
