i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
