Plan B is the new Plan A
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
