youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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