Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Congratulations! We have a period
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
