dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
