Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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