i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
