Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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