I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
