My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You made out with two different species that night
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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