Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
