The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
