Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
