Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
