Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
