I want to have your abortion
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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