It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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