The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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